Bjørnen,

I am sorry you are feeling so badly. You must be severely depressed. I have many similiar memories (long bike rides and hikes with and without friends, travels, working, school, etc.) and they make me happy. When my H says that he now realizes that there has always been something wrong with me (my mental illness) I think of these memories and feel differently. We are still the people who once accomplished these things. Since we were that way once, surely, there is hope we can be that way again. Keep trying to resurrect some of that former self.