yesterday afternoon someone beat me at an online game.

I am very angry when I lose because no one, and I mean no one, beats the ****ing oracle. I am the best at quizzes, and when they do (which is very rarely), I plan my revenge and cause hell for that person.

yesterday night was hell too

kept having visions of my mother standing in the room with me

talking about death and how she'd finally succeeded in taking my life

and then after I spent hours wondering the room and realised she wasn't their I sat down and thought about all sorts of twisted weird science experiments my family would do on me if they had the chance

sometimes it's not enough

you ignore the contact, you distance yourself, but it still isn't enough.

it still messes with you

hmm should probably rest but can't

still feel pretty anxious after yesterday

oh right

and If 1 more person laughs at my situation (real face to face person), I will punch them in the ****ing face so hard, that their screams will be heard as far away as italy.