Quick update.

It's been a month now since I first ran across the aforementioned story and my situation has changed little.

For months even before this I had numerous bouts of OCD/ panic attacks while browsing the internet for porn. Fearing constantly that what I had viewed was potentially illegal or contained an underage actor or something similar even though the persons all appeared to be adults.

After some recent research I found out apparently what I'm suffering from is POCD. Apparently people stress out about potentially being a pedophile / child molester.

And now with this most recent problem I'm in a seemingly endless cycle of reassurance and reasoning with myself that despite reading this woman's memories of herself developing her fetish as a child, that I still am not the sort of person who wants to abuse children. That what caused me to get an erection while reading her blog was the fetish itself and her actions of self pleasure, not the fact that she was a 5 year old while doing these things.

And there doesn't really seem to be a way out. I can't unread what I've read. I can't undo what I've done or what I think I've done. It's like a part of me is unable to be reasoned with. I can't move on.

Perhaps this is my conscience telling me that enough is enough; that I need to break away from the endless hours of browsing for porn and do something else with my free time.

I need some help.