Thank you Sultrysorrow and AAAAA. I appreciate your replies and insights.

Well, I went to lunch with my older son today- before he goes back out of state to college......... I talked about things and then led up to -- last night, Husband(dad) was slurring drunk and speaking like a strict dictator to the two sons. In talking with my oldest today, he said, "Mom, I left the room last night, I'm not going to put up with that kind of drunk attitude"...... I told him he doesn't have to ...... but........ it makes me feel so sad....... I've always wanted a close family-- I never had that growing up-- I wished that my children would feel close to both mom and dad.

I'm trying to protect that dream and trying to protect my husband from his own children not caring for him, and trying to protect my children from disappointment.

How can I do all that??

So much on my mind....... just slept for one hour last night...... so tired.... so so sad......