(((((((((( mandy ))))))))))

I completely understand how sad you feel about this situation. It must be breaking your heart.

Your husband is an adult. He makes his own choices. You make your own choices. You can choose to stand beside him and offer your assistance to him and your undying love, yet at the same time you can make it clear that you will not fall prey to being the wife of an alcoholic. In other words, you will not protect him from his children, his family, his boss or from the law (if it ever comes to that).

Your children are old enough now to "see" what is truly going on. They don't want a mom who will smooth over the rough edges....and they NEED a mom who will be honest with them about their dad's drinking. Whether your sons decide to have a relationship with him or not at any given time or not is completely up to them and there is no guilt that you should be feeling over this. This one is on your husband for his actions.....not on you hon.

One thing I tried to do with my daughters as they were growing up with an alcoholic father was to keep the communication open with them. I allowed them to come to me and complain and cry and do whatever they had to do to deal with his abuse. I also let them know that it's ok to love their dad, but they didn't have to like him and his actions.

And at the same time, YOU and your health are very important here too. I understand how you think that your dream of a close family is ending. It doesn't necessarily mean the end is here mandy. It may mean that there is a change in the path....a change in where your energies need to go.....but it certainly doesn't need to be the end. There are countless opportunities in your life. This may be just a bump in the road for awhile....who knows.

I really feel that you could use some support outside the home with dealing with your husband and kids. It's important to know that you don't have to be your husband's enabler when he is drinking. (protecting him from his kids is a form of enabling) There are ways for you to be able to stand on your two feet and draw the line as to what you are willing to put up with and what you aren't. I hope that you might consider Alanon or something along that line to help you "see" what your husband's drinking can do to a family...and to YOU.

My prayers are with you and your family that you can all find some peace and some help.

*Gentle Hugs*
sabby