Your non-awareness defense doesn't entirely hold up. You say this has been happening for some time, now, with a number of people who have rejected your intrusive behavior. But you've persisted in this behavior, I think, because it seemed to be a way to try to get something you need.

It's normal to want some attention from others whom we admire. But they don't owe you attention, just because you want that attention. In a workplace, people don't get to choose their coworkers, but they do get to choose how much of a friendly relationship they want to establish. Coworkers all have the obligation to be courteous to each other. But no coworker is obligated to be real friendly with you. You've been treating the workplace as your personal hostage situation. You act like coworkers have no choice but to put up with your intrusiveness because you are all working together. You are starting to realize that they have more control than you thought. They don't have to just keep putting up with you . . . and they won't. So now you are disturbed that the control is less yours that you believed. You don't hold them hostage just because they share a workspace with you. You can't just impose yourself on people.

Your reasoning is like the thinking of men who used to believe they could aggressively flirt with female coworkers that they were attracted to. They too believed that the woman should have felt "flattered." They too said that they would be flattered, if someone showed them that kind of attention. Just like the argument that you're making. And make no mistake: there is an element of aggression in your behavior. People will not put up with it. You'll end up fired.

You are trying to meet a normal human need - for connectedness with others. But the approach you are using is not working for you. Maybe you are lonely. Maybe there is not enough friendship in your life. You would do well to find socially appropriate ways of getting your need for connectedness met. A place to start is to consider that others do not exist to provide you with attention. People don't like to be "used" in that way.

Working with a therapist might help you, if you can be very honest about this problem. Otherwise, you'll just do to the therapist what you're doing to coworkers that you "look up to." Then you'll get nowhere. You're a bright person, and I take it you are young. So there's hope, if you are willing to change. Don't use your intelligence just to cleverly craft a defense of bad behavior by twisting the meanings of words. Of course it's "not wrong to look up to people." You already know that. You are trying to trap people into agreeing with you. What's wrong is thinking that you have a right to be intrusive with others whom you admire. You have no such right.

So, in summary: agression, hostage taking and trapping. These words describe your behavior. It is dislikeable. Be glad you're young enough to change. (I think you are.) You are also smart and assertive. Put those qualities to better use. In a workplace, workers are valued who go about their job quietly (unless you're a trumpet player.) Be as non-distracting to others as you can be. Learn an appropriate way to ask for help when you really need it. Try not to interrupt and inconvenience others. Put down the sign that says, "Here I am. Notice me." Working quietly, diligently and not demanding constant attention will get you noticed - in a very positive way.