i don't trust on the inside...

but some how i end up trusting too easily on the outside it seems...

appearing gullible and idolizing others for a moment and then being devastated...

i don't know why this happens because i know better and really dont trust anyone...

but it happens... i dont even trust myself...

so how can i end up trusting someone i dont even really know like that when i know they are just going to break the trust, when i dont even really realize im falling into a trap and allowing myself to do that and setting it up for disaster...

my mind seems to run on many tracks at once though with many different emotions trying to be forward at once... im unable to really distinguish between what is my emotion and what i should feel or claim to be mine or real... what to go with and what to trust or do most of the time... i will shut down and do nothing...