Haven't been on here in a long time, but things are getting bad. I think a huge depression episode is starting up. I slept 14 hours today, 12 hours yesterday. Feel like I want to disappear again. Can't do anything to distract myself because my brain is telling me I don't deserve to feel better. All my violent intrusive thoughts (plus some new ones) came back a couple days ago. Can't even smoke or get drunk because that might be entertaining.
I need to schedule therapist and med management appointments, but worry that if I actually go to those they'll want me to go inpatient and I can't do that because I only have 2 weeks left at work before my last day there.