I had the chance to go to a concert last year. I won front row seats. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and it should have been one of the most exciting nights of my life. The concert was one of my all-time favorite singers. She rarely does concerts and it could very well be my last opportunity to ever see her live (as she is getting quite old).

Unfortunately, what should have been one of the most thrilling nights of my life was not that. I go through periods where I obsess about things and feel ashamed about myself, and it was one of those times. It makes it very hard for me to enjoy things. I remember watching the concert, feeling sad as I was watching it, that I was disconnected. I ended up leaving with this feeling that I hadn't really gotten the experience that I should have.

This has happened with plenty of other events before, but never with an artist that I had connected with and idolized for so long. Now, it's over one year later, and I still think about that night all the time. When I listen to her music, I think about it, and even when I don't, I still think about it. I feel sad and angry that I didn't enjoy it like I wanted to. Then I realize how ridiculous it is that I'm upset about a concert from a year ago, because I didn't enjoy it enough. I should be grateful that I even got to go, that I got free front row seats! But what's the point if you don't really even have that much fun.

I'm afraid that this is what I have in store for my life. Struggling to enjoy things, then living in constant regret. Even as I write this and read it, I see how frivolous the whole thing sounds. But I can't control how I feel, how my mind obsesses. It's probably related to some OCD tendencies that I think I have. In any event, I just want to stop living in regret. Anyone else have similar experiences?