New member. Read outline of how to use this forum but I have a hard time concentrating so I'm just gonna jump right in here.

I hope I am in right thread - here's my check

I have recently been diagnosed as bipolar and I am furious. I'm 54 yrs old and I have spent my entire life thinking I was just a bad person when it turns out I'm bipolar.

I've been in/out of therapy for 30 yrs with every diagnosis, every SSRI known to man, starting with Imipromine. I have worked hard to be normal and happy.

I now know that will never happen. I will have black depressions and hyper, embarrassing social nightmares the rest of my life which have led me to my current status of isolation and agoraphobia. I've been suicidal since I was 17 and took 90 flexiral last year. My mom called the fire dept.

Here's my check: I'm exhausted. I hate myself and my effed up horrible life. What is there left to do? What is there left to say to a therapist. Is there more meds other than the 9 pills I take every morning. How do I do another 30 or so years? Who even wants to me hear me whine and moan when I can't stand it myself?