I wonder what it means to blame?

To be at fault?
To have held the responsibility?
To have had the power to choose to do otherwise?
To have had the skills to have done otherwise?

I try to explore these questions myself. I know for me, holding onto "blame" doesn't help me. Like the quote about anger being ,like holding onto a hot burning coal.

Also do those we blame, have regret? Why did they do the things they did? Was it intentional, knowing that it would cause harm? Was it lack of skills? Were they in a difficult place and therefore had reduced control over their actions?

Can I stop blaming and still hold them responsible, accountable? Do I blame them for their actions at those times and/ or blame them for the effect on me now?

Does letting go of blame have to mean that it didn't / doesn't matter?

I have so many questions when I try to think back.