Ledgewood, to be honest, I read your post earlier, but I did not reply because I was unsure of what to say...that was such horrific abuse and violence for you to experience. I felt like anything I could possibly say would be meaningless in the light of your suffering.

I am still a little unsure of how to reply...I suffered severe abuse, but your experience was so much more violent than mine. I do know that I can relate to your feelings of self blame--of sometimes thinking you caused it or deserved it--and sometimes knowing thats not true, that you were an innocent child. For me, trying to figure out how I feel is a constant struggle. It does help to come here to PC...I also journal a lot and I am in therapy. My wish for you is that you can come to firmly believe that you were an innocent child and you did not cause or deserve the violence and abuse.

I am glad I finally replied to your post, you have been on my mind...I hope you are feeling a little bit better.