Thank you for the recent comments. I haven't been on here lately...just trying to clear my muddy mind a bit. Doing okay I suppose. I have another appointment with my T tomorrow, so I am happy about that. I am making the decision to not spend the hour talking about him. He can have 5 minutes, but that is it. I hate how many countless hours I have spent talking about him in therapy.

It is time to find who I am...without him. It is devestating...absolutely devestating...to begin to think of things as completely over forever. To think that I will never have him again. But I suppose, if I am so easily dismissed, I never really had him to begin with.

I do not really have any desire to speak with him again. I wish I could talk to the guy he presented himself as...the one who made it impossible not to love. But I haven't seen him in quite some time. Time to stop wishing and hoping. He certainly isn't sitting around thinking about me.