In Dreams......
So, it's a holiday weekend here (Thanksgiving), and I find myself in kind of a dark place.
My ex wife put a lot of stock into family, and the attendant gatherings... so they always had a lot of emotional import. I dread holidays now... in this new normal.
My family disavowed me, I chose that result because I stood up for a spouse, and in my current state... I'm having dreams about the ex almost every night, and that weighs heavily. Last night I dreamt that I was trying to patch up the rift, and she was deliberately sticking the emotional knife in and twisting it, by shoving this new guy in my face at every turn (this male had no discernible identity, just a male)....and I am exhausted.
I don't want to sleep... memories are ever present, and the coming weekend is the second anniversary of a much more traumatic event.
I know this sounds a lot like whinging, and I guess it is.. just need to let out some of the black bits.