My As promised, I will share about my time out and friends I met. I first got out of the closet in mid May, my wife being gone for the summer (I am with her now). With a closet full of clothing, wigs, shoes, makeup and a community center for trans only a mile from my house, with too much time on my hands, who will not take advantage of that? So, I went to the resource center 3 to 4 times, had to break for two weeks while repairmen, landscapers came to work at my house, came out again for a week due to Pride March. For 4 weeks, mid July to mid-August I really stepped it up. Family, my wife or my mother can step in and call me away, which they did- keeping me from being out an entire summer but As I said, I went out daily, to busy public places 8 times, daily visits to a trans resource center and attended 3 support group meetings. Befriended a couple of preoperative trans women who shared their stories.
Two of my groups involved nonbinary/ gender fluid people and the other was for M2F transwomen. I could identify with both groups but I liked the nonbinary/ gender fluid support group because everyone was still discovering themselves and/or like crossdressers met online they could assume both roles. It surprised me with how much support there is for TG stuff and especially for young people, how many were still struggling with themselves and weren't getting support at home. Most were not on speaking terms with at least one parent or sibling and quite a few were homeless, thrown out of their homes by their parents. It was pretty sad to actually witness this. I met a lady, Laura, very sweet preop tramswoman in her mid 60s, we quickly became friends. She worked at the desk answering phone calls, issuing bus passes and helping prepare foods for the homeless trans people hanging out at the center. It was a pleasure to help them out too, cleaning up at the end of the day.
Laura told me of her inner struggle, somewhat similar to my own, although she grew up hiding inner feminine feelings, posture and body movements and was trans since age 4, different from me who connected at age 14 and didn't really have any female features to hide. From this I learned I was different and how being CD could still be somewhat different from being in transition.
One F2M young man asked me how could I stand switching back and forth between being male and female, "That has to be very confusing?!" I thought about that and yeah, it is very confusing. Dressing up and going out, then staying out and getting thru it is such a mahogany rush, that you don't want the feeling to end. It propelled me to going out a bit more each day, like a drug, couldn't stop it. That made me stay at home more too, as either I was going to go to the grocery store dressed female or just not go out at all. So I dealt with sulking about not being able to go put, by masturbating to images of myself dressed up or other trans women photos.
One of my more enlightening conversation I group came when I opened up about my arousal/ sex addiction issues but how once I got out of the closet those intense lust dress up desires went away - but also had to stay out so they would not return. I had half a dozen m2f trans women mid their heads in agreement, like they had experienced it too. All in all it was great experience but....and as I told others this would have to end soon as this was just borrowed time away from my marriage and I was/ am very codependent and would have to go back to that. Everyone, including a therapist at the center understood for I figured they've had tons of people over the years with the same old story.