Well, understanding the dynamic makes absolutely no difference! It is my B-day so H and I are on our best behavior trying to not get into fights. During our walk today, I got a phone call. It was from one of my son's friends and social. The calls are coming into me because his phone was lost on his trip out West and he cannot buy a new one until he gets his first check. When I briefly mentioned what the call was about, he said, "we won't discuss it now because it is your B-day." Moments later I found myself having a panic attack during the walk (I did not tell H this but it makes me very dizzy, short of breath and like I have to push through to keep going the way you do when improving your speed, endurance on a jog). Eventually (after at least a mile of this), it settled down. I have terrible reactions to some of the things my husband does and they are things that are non negotiable for him. He will never stop them and my reactions are as predicable as slobbering was for Pavlov's dog when he dangled the meat in front of him. It is why I am thinking about going back to a therapist. Has anyone had success with stopping the negative physical reactions you have developed with long time family?