Hi EMc. I am sorry to hear about your struggles. I hope you find a way to peace and acceptance, whatever that looks like for you. My gender journey has been going on for several years now and I am just going to be starting counselling this week because although my situation is different, although my wife supports me and knows everything about it and will love and be attracted to me no matter what, it's still confusing and scary and overwhelming. I am in my late 30s and I feel like this is too much to deal with. Sometimes I just 'forget about it' for months on end and then break down crying because I can't stand my life, and I know exactly why. I'm not being myself. I'm locking away the core of who I am because I don't know how to deal with it. But it's affecting my mental health negatively and so I have no choice but to find someone who gets it and talk it all out. And hope I arrive at some answers, something more than what I have now. If you ever want to talk, to just vent or whatever, feel free to message me in private.