I'm heading back to IP to avoid acting on "manic impulses" according to the mental health worker I seen. Not that this will be surprising to any of you.

Had a super big breakdown this evening. Spent an hour crying outside until my toes started to hurt from the cold which turned into laughing and that feeling you get when you realize a nightmare is just a nightmare and then you wake up. This is all just too f****ed up for it to be reality. Then I spent an hour laying on the basement floor. Then I checked to make sure my husband didnt take all the pills away. You know how in a nightmare you usually wake up before you die, I need this to be over already. But husband brought me to emerg since he didn't agree about it being a dream so now I'm going back to IP. I'm screwed, I need to wake up last October.

I dont know if this could have been avoided by taking the risperidone, I dont know what the hell is going on anymore.