wow. and i see the dark side everywhere i go - so much pain, so much suffering.

i remember one time when i was visiting a friend in a state-run nursing home years ago. the stench of urine was horrible. the yellow walls became the stench of urine. food smelled horrible. staff were unemotional, uncaring. my friend's bedmate was aphasic, unable to speak, and sitting in a wheelchair, waiting. his urine soaked through the wheelchair and made a puddle underneath. our eyes met, and i didn't know what to do. i was not trained to care for invalids. i was only a visitor, but i felt i was supposed to do something. the staff had been peeking in the room, but did nothing for this poor old guy soaked in urine. as we left, i looked at the old guy once more. my heart was so heavy with guilt that i still cry over even to this day.

oh, i prayed for this guy's quick release from his physical form. walking out, i heard pleas and cries of patients wanting dignity, relief, and release. it was one of the worst place i've ever been. after i had left, the outside world was beautiful compared to that nursing home. what a nightmare it was, and i wasn't able to do anything about it.

the dark side is everywhere. it pains me to see so many people suffering like that. you're right, people make their own decisions whether to get help or not. we can only offer help when we can. and hope they take up that offer. stil, it hurts. it takes so much courage to do what you do in social services. i'm not in social services, but i come into many situtions where i see the dark side of life.

we need more people with compassion....... compassion means so much to me......... i have so much compassion, and yet, have disabilities. i live in my life along with my caring and loving husband and pets. in my dreams, i rise above my disabilities and offer my compassion. i offer it here, but yet i dream of physically offering it.