Salukigirl,

I understand the pain your boyfriend suffers from. I was very codependent on two of my friends a couple of years ago. It is not something that can be worked through overnight, because, as you stated he suffers from this, "a very deep rooted sense of insecurity" is often underneath the dependency, as I found out with myself. As my self-esteem has built up, the codependency has gone down. There have been many ups and downs, but it can be worked out.

I would definitely ask your therapist if you could do a "couples" therapy. If you tell them some of the situation, it may help, since coependency on one side has to be tackled by both the codependant and the... 'dependee' (I think the word is enforcer, but I am definitely not sure about that, so we'll use the other word ) I'm sure one of the things that will get brought up is his self-esteem issues. That has to be worked on, but only you two and your therapist can figure out how to approach that.

Also, do be a little careful. Codependency on someone you love, are in love with, are have an extreme crush on (the last one is my experience, and an unrequited on at that), can be EXTREMELY painful and difficult. It took me almost 3 years to get over the major codependency I had on one of my best friends, Steve (who I also had a huge crush on, which made it very difficult). But know, we're just extremely good friends, and the codependency's not at the forefront anymore (now it's just physical depression :P)

Let us know how else I can help, okay?

,
l_r