Quote:
Originally Posted by emgreen
I don't mean to sound arrogant here, but I don't have any future fantasies about drinking; I had my arse kicked for too many years to kid myself. For me, I try to play the movie all the way through...from the end to the beginning, though. Experience has taught me that the end generally ain't too pretty, so when I get to the beginning, I realize the fantasy is a dangerous illusion. Who knows? I may have an overwhelming urge in a year, or five years, but if I play the tape through backwards, I know what I have to lose. I've already lost enough due to my drinking, & there's a lot I haven't lost "yet." I always try to remember the "yets."
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IIRC, you realized you had a problem at a fairly young age and didn't have extended periods of responsible drinking. Am I remembering that right?
When I had those extended periods, there were times when I would be sitting back enjoying a sunset at the beach from the deck of a rented house and having a glass of wine or two. Once in St Martin it was sipping a rum they called the "Cognac of the Caribbean" and smoking a cuban cigar (I don't really smoke, but had to see what the fuss was about with cuban cigars). Those were "this is the life" moments. I would get buzzed but not really drunk and I didn't have anywhere to be so I wasn't going to be driving. I didn't consider myself a problem drinker and neither did others, so it was in the open and I was not alone. Pretty much textbook responsible drinking. So when I imagined retiring someday in the distant future, that's the image I saw. This movie played in my head hundreds or thousands of times.
I am not saying it will win out, just trying to give you an idea of how much power these images have, since you don't have one.