Dear Carl,

I read your message in it's entirety and can relate to a great deal of your experiences. I have Social Anxiety Disorder along with moderate agoraphobia which has, in many ways, made me non-existent. It is very painful to know that I have to through such hell just to walk out of the door each day. The thing is, is that this has been going on for over 20 years. But, I remember that I have people who depend on me, and a deep-seeded foundation making sure that I take care of those people too. As far as your case, I think you are quite a bit stronger than I have been. I wouldn't even have the heart to talk to a girl that I was interested in. Like you, I was a loner (I like to think "maverick") in high school. In college, I grew a bit more, in my bravery to talk to girls. I was able to battle the urges to stay in the dorm and not talk to or go out on dates with the girls. I had a great time when I would not retreat from living and enjoy life. I have to tell you that I am impressed that you found the fortitude to make a change to become more healthier by exercising and eating right. It does not matter what the motivation is, the point is, you did it. I know how hard it is to find some reason to keep going when it seems that everything is crashing down on you. Every day brings it's own challenges to keep going. As far as companionship goes, I think it is important to continue taking care of yourself. For me, it is so important to be honest, and open, especially about your feelings of someone you are interested in. You owe that to yourself and to them as well. Consider all of the aspects that you can offer to a relationship and then consider all of the aspects that you would like in a girlfriend/future wife and use this as a gauge in finding the right woman for you. With this concept, you have tools that can be used at any time in finding the right one. I always liked the phrase: "Don't give up, don't EVER give up!" As far as the shyness, I understand. In my case, whether at my job, with friends, or anyone for that matter, it is an overwhelming battle to find the right words to say about anything. But, I have found that just being light-hearted and honest will always be welcomed by everyone. The same goes for ladies too. To this day, I fight with suicidal thoughts, but I do stand back and think to myself that should I do this, I am doing something that is irreversible. To think of something great that I could have done or someone wonderful that I could have met helps me keep this in perspective. So, I leave you with this... Do the things that seem the hardest to do, no matter what. Whether it is a rejection, job change, or simply just walking outside during the day, you have an obligation to yourself to do it. I hope that I haven't gone overboard here, but I do know what you are going through and thought that I might help with some thoughts. Well, take care of yourself and Don't Give Up!!!

Sincerely,

David (NewDawnFades)