Do y'all find it that so much of the time, problems in relationships don't necessarily come from something in particular that you yourself has done wrong, but from what the other person's expectations are that you've not met?

For instance, self-care and maintenance is NOT doing something wrong. However, do you find it that often times, those that we're in relationships with treat us as if it *is* something wrong to do...and that we've personally wronged them by doing it?

At first, do you find yourself anxiously going around in circles apologizing and making excuses for something you shouldn't have to? Do you then find yourself justifiably angry that you've had to, taking on the role then, of the injured party when there really didn't have to be one?

Does it leave you feeling misunderstood and unaccepted, or accepted only in the "fair weather" analogy...conditional love?

Yeah??? Me too! It can hurt.

I then think of the many here, many times over that may get frustrated, feel confusion or initial hurt, etc. However, they get frustrated for me, or at the situation and don't take it out on me because I'm not doing what they think I should. They *accept* what I'm telling them, NOT AS AN EXCUSE, but as a reason. Amazingly of all, they love me still even though they might feel frustration, hurt, confusion, or even anger. I'm thankful for that, and I wish for that in real life as well.

I'm thankful for that because it all boils down to the fact that I can only do what I can do. Those in my life are going to accept me or not, no matter if I use an excuse, use flat-out, in-your-face honesty, run around in circles trying to do, please or make-up. I fall short because I can *never* be completely what another person wants me to be. I'm not a programmable robot or a reflection of thoughts, wants and needs. I am me...real. Being that, I'm gonna screw up. I'm gonna get exhausted. I'm gonna shut down to do self-care so that I can continue being. I'm going to be unpredictable, and indeed sometimes a disappointment to another, because I'm not any of those above things.

What I find the most difficult is that it hurts so much to feel the wrath of another, or the conditional love of another, because I *need* to take care of me, or because my best isn't good enough.

I'm then find myself indignantly standing on my moral high-ground, desperately trying to cling to boundaries.

I've had very few people unconditionally accept me, warts and all (in real life, of course), good times and bad, so close we finish each others sentences to talking maybe once a month for a bit, etc., knowing that they or I is in so much pain that we can't see the others for a bit but it's only temporary and they would if they could.

Where does it end? I mean, acceptance is a HUGE part of it, but there's more too. When you're like me (internalize to regroup and refuel because I use so much doing and giving), how can you give what another needs just as much as you...when you literally and figuratively don't have it?

Basically, how do you juggle the opposing needs in a relationship when they're simultaneously needed? If I go ahead and take my time, am I being selfish and inconsiderate of the other that I care deeply about when they need just as much but in different ways?

How do I help them see that I care *very much* that they have fresh, cool water to drink, but my well is temporarily dry...not by choice and that I'm waiting for a good, hard rain just as much or more than they are...that I live and breathe sharing and giving? Mostly, though, how do I handle the hurt and anger, when they walk away from my well letting me know that they feel it's something I can control or have purposely done...like I can control the rain or produce magically some water out of thin air. It's not their fault that they need drink and are thirsting, not my fault that I have no water. Why can't it be accepted even if it is frustrating?

I've come a LONG way in knowing that I can only be what I can be. Still though, it hurts to be accused, tried, then convicted, ultimately forced to serve the sentence for things I have zero control over.

Can anyone relate???

KD