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In other words, I have no idea. I think the real problem is that I am kind of isolated from common sense.
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There are web sites with (westernized) definitions of emotional abuse. A particularly detailed one, for example, uses the categories Rejecting, Ignoring, Terrorizing, Isolating, Corrupting, Exploiting:
Six Types of Emotional Abuse
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However, my opinions of them were colored through a "westernized" viewpoint and my own self consciousness, which was rooted in perceived differences between I and my American classmates. I came to think that we were somehow barbaric, a notion gently fed to me by insensitive classmates, teachers, and homework assignments. To use a western definition (I am only aware of it existing in western societies), to call it abuse, worries me as I feel that it might be more complicated than that.
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Being consistently fed the idea that one's culture is barbaric would tend to make a person think that parenting practices done in that culture are barbaric as well.
It might well be more complicated than that. Perhaps by looking at the list linked above you could ask yourself whether any of those practices happened to you, and, if so, whether to your knowledge could they be a part your cultural background.
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To be sure, there was some pain and unhappiness, but my parents provided enough for me so that I never felt the need to help ease their unique pain as immigrants. I was privileged enough to disdain them and therefore contribute to their pain. I was privileged enough to think of their struggles and their attitudes towards me as cruelty, and I was privileged enough to be lazy enough to hate them.
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Here you sound as though you are blaming yourself for not being sufficiently attentive and responsive to the pain and difficulties and sacrifices that your parents went through. How much of their behavior towards you would you attribute to your own actions?
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I really have no idea what to think. To forgive them makes me feel as though I am erasing a lot of pain that has unfortunately formed my identity. To describe their actions towards me as "emotional abuse" also feels wrong.
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Your thinking can evolve and does not have to be all-or-nothing. A nuanced approach might be in order, one that would develop over time. For example, you can acknowledge that their backgrounds and circumstances contributed to how they behaved, while at the same time realizing that they have not done the best that they could.
In my view, though, one can acknowledge that parents caused harm even if they themselves were harmed in their own upbringing. For example, for me it is just a fact that my alcoholic, narcissistic mother caused my attachment disorder and anxiety. This is just a fact. How much of what happened was actually "her fault", and how much arose from her own background, is a different question. Maybe she was doing the best that she could--but even so she still was causing harm and the pain that she caused was still pain. Maybe that type of thought could help in thinking about your experience?
I think that it would be helpful to share your essay here, or an oral version of it, with your therapist.