Hi Everyone,
This is my first post for Driver's anxiety. Recently, I have decided that I wanted to learn how to drive. It took me over 15 years of phobia and driver's anxiety because of a horrible experience from a driver's instructor I had before. Now, I am motivated to learn how to drive. So my brother called this instructor and we started 3 weeks ago. Here is my situation, I first practiced with a family member but she wasn't dedicated to teach me how to drive. But 2 times we went to parking lots to practice my steering, controlling the car like how to put pressure on the gas pedal and braking smoothly. Then after that, my sister-in-law didn't want to practice with me anymore.
After 2 months, my brother called for 2 driving appointments with a new driving instructor that teaches his students the whys and how their school works. When my case is unique because I don't have any friends to teach me and practice on my driving skills. On my first lesson, he asked"why do want to learn how to drive?" I told him that I am motivated to learn to drive because I have to commute to work, not waiting for public transportation like the bus for more than 30 minutes,and commute for 2 hours; help my mom while she does her grocery shopping and going to other places. Perhaps have the freedom to go wherever I want and add more reviews on my food blog. So I said there are many reasons. At first, he was nice and easy going, but knew I was experiencing driver's anxiety like not hitting other cars beside me, or several cars passing at the opposite direction. The Second lesson went ok and it was a slight improvement too.But he added where and how to adjust rear and side mirrors, seat adjustments for height and forward. Making left and right turns, lane changes, pull over and drive in reverse. Then straightening your reverse drive until you reach 3 cars in length. So I learned a lot on those 2 days.
Then on the 3rd day, I blame for what I did prior to this, attending to an activity that I shouldn't do - writing my food blog and not resting. So I wasn't prepared for the 3rd lesson. So I got in the car, and did the 7 pre-routine tasks before starting how to drive. Then he noticed how I steered the wheel in reverse and going back so I can turn out and do a right turn on a public road. He shouted,"What happened to you?", I felt uneasy, nervous and my driver's anxiety kicked in. Then it became a chain reaction of mistakes because I didn't know where we are going and didn't give me any directions. It was an intense experiences of telling me what to do, and said"Don't be too nervous. It is all in your mind." I was trying to tell him I had driver's anxiety. He said he was upset about it. There were instructions that I didn't understand like how to check both sides are clear or not. At first, I stopped at the STOP sign, then I crept up few seconds multiple times, and then checked both sides. He asked,"Is it clear?" I said, yes. Then he showed me to crept up just before the bike lane so I could see if there is a car passing by. I really didn't realize it, and told me how to do it after that. But kind of shouted at me.
Then after that, I was trying to relax while I was driving on a straight line. He said,"Don't hold the wheel too tightly." I was opening my fingers and driving with my palms. After that, I felt very irritated.
Then at the end of the lesson,"why do you always book your lessons so late at 5pm?" I said, "that was the only time that it was available from the office". My lessons are schedule 1 week in advance. So I didn't know this, and said I wasn't the one who scheduled the first 2 classes. It was my brother. Another is when we ended our lessons after I was on my way home. I parked the car. He said'"I had several students who passed the test who are 68 and 70 years old that take longer to pass the test.You are so difficult to teach- and noted that other students wanted to book him but there are no times available because of you." I was thinking,"How come he is thinking this way when I needed his help to teach how to drive?" After that experience, I felt so irritated, mad and frustrated because no one wants to teach me.
This is what I understand -- I know I had to admit I made a mistake but this driver's anxiety will take time to overcome. After that, I feel more motivated to learn but I know I have to overcome this anxiety and it will take a longer time to adjust and put in more confidence in driving and make improvements. He thinks that I am not serious about this, and thinks I am wasting his time. But 1 thing, he doesn't understand is my anxiety, and realize I have to help myself.
After this encounter, I felt very irritated, frustrated and mad. Though I learned a lot from this instructor. The third encounter was more hostile and unprofessional on his part. He should be patient since I am a newbie driver. My brother suggested that I should the medication I had before (propanolol) to ease my anxiety. He said,"this is OK - don't worry about it! It will take more time to overcome your driver's anxiety or phobia.
I even wrote some goals to motivate myself why I wanted to learn to drive:
-to have the freedom to go wherever I want to go
- to commute to work and other places of interests
-to help my mom to do some grocery (shopping)
- to bring my family to parties and special events
-to overcome my driver's anxiety
- to be more independent
- to get a better paying job
so if you have any suggestions, it is much appreciated. Thank you.