*** This could possibly be triggering ***
I'm on my phone and can't put the trigger alert.
Just wanted to put that here.
My mom is having surgery tomorrow morning. She's having a surgery to remove her breast. They found a small cancerous rice sized spot.
Instead of having the spot removed, she chose the other option.
I don't really have words to say how I feel.
I called her to let her know that I would be there for her tomorrow, but she let me know that there were going to be several people there for her. I would probably have to look for a seat.
Ok.
Sad.
Alone.
I think I need to grieve this but I don't know how. I don't want to give up on my little one who has always wanted to feel loved and wanted.
What do I tell her to comfort her heart? What do I tell her that helps her understand and accept that the mom she has wanted and tried to be good enough for..... just isn't?
I don't even want to go and be there tomorrow. I really don't!!!
I'm remembering a Mothers Day, many years ago. I didn't call her and wish her a happy day. She called me and was very angry. Pissed actually. I felt bad. Guilty.
That is earned and not expected though.
Right?
Thank you for hearing me.
I really don't want to go tomorrow, but I guess I will.
That makes my heart sad.
I so wish it was different.