I am a mess I am such a waste of space of everything

No one cares, no one understands

Everyone laughs st me I am a big fat joke. I am a train wreck

My own husband just thinks I am an overly emotional he doesn't get it he never will

Almost attempted a few eeeks ago, he didn't really understand the seriousnless of it then, he said I am always st an 11 so it's hard to tell when to take me serious. 6 years of being together, 6 years of me and my mental health, in the 6 years we have been together I haven't had a resurgence of suicidal thoughts or planning but now that it is happening he doesn't know if it is serious

Okay then

Just like everyone I ever trusted they all fail they all think I am weak and all fail to take care of me

Should have known, I should have known, nooone could protect me as a child, no one could protect me as a teen, should have known adulthood would be no different

Always shouldering others burndersn, always being strong, always being the caregiver and nobody is there when I can't take it anymore. Even st 15, even when I was injured and traumatized and had watched her die, my grandmother, I had to hold the emotional support for my family, even when I was the one who had to hear her screams and listen to her gasp and die, even though I could barely move, let alone dress myself I had to take care of my parents

No different now,

I wish I could make it stop

I wish I would go through with it, too scared I would mess that up too then I would have to live with everyone treating me like glass, everyone sad stares, everyone reeking of fear when they were around me, just like after the wreck, just like when I confided into others about the past abuse. Always s those ugly sad stares, those pitying glances, that stench of poor you,

I just want to scream and punch a tree till kynknuecklws are bloodied and bruised

I never asked to be like this, I never wanted to be this, its taken so much away from me, it keeps me so alone, it makes me ruin everything f

All I want is to be loved and cared for, all I want is someone to protect me for a change, I am so tired, I am so exhausted and it eats at me so much I feel like there is a hole in my chest in my very soul

And no one will care, No one will read this, no one would miss me if I went away, even if I just ran away

The only thing that keeps em from it is who would take care of my animals. They never did nothing wrong they don't deserve to be abandoned