The first thing on the agenda was touch, because we are using touch more frequently and haven't discussed it in a while. When I brought it up he said "yes and you didn't ask last week". (because I looked at him pitifully last week as I was leaving and he smiled and hugged me).
I said yes, and that felt so good because it met a very young need, the need for attunement without needing to ask and it was very powerful. But I wasn't sure it served any therapeutic purpose for me because it was edging towards enactment of the fantasy of him as the father of a very young me. It didn't seem to be meeting any here-and-now needs, just ancient, essentially unmeetable needs. I said that hugs meet some here and now needs, such as grounding and safety in the relationship but no adult need is met by him hugging me without me asking because I can talk.
He said it felt like a fine line that we shouldn't treat heavy handedly and we agreed that we needed to keep talking about what felt right. My sense from that conversation is that he will wait for me to ask in future which is probably the right thing I think.
Then we talked about a dream I had. I had thought it was totally about me and him but as we discussed It, he linked it to my career and suddenly a lot of aspects of it made sense to me. It was really good and helpful.
In the dream he was teaching me about something and I told him i think this is because I see him as my teacher in many ways. He said that was really nice to hear. He said he learnt a lot from his first therapist (whom he named) and it feels like that's being passed down again. He said that wasn't meant to feel like a burden. I said it didn't. It was actually really nice to hear.
We had some extended periods of eye contact which felt amazing. I mentioned the difficult stuff from last week and how I felt like I didn't want to go there again this week. He said that is fine and we talked about how I can trust to work on that stuff when it feels right and I don't have to push it.
Then we spent a few minutes just talking about the building noise outside and how I can tune it out, and he says it bothers him because he feels responsible. Then I said I like silence and I like being in my car cos I can listen to my radio comedy uninterrupted. I enjoy the drive to and from therapy. Then we stood up and I asked for a hug. We hugged and I said "that was a 'hugs are still okay' hug." He said it's nice to have a name for It! We send goodbye and I left.