Hang in there. I come from a long line of addicts and alcoholics. I struggled for years before I managed to get the help and support I needed to make lasting changes. But I've been clean/sober now for 11 years, even through all kinds of major life-altering events (health, death, you name it). It's possible. If you need someone to talk to feel free to message me directly. I check in multiple times a day.