Fuzzybear, Hi, I am sorry you feel so bad. It sounds to me like the real issue is how to stop hating yourself. Have you really faced the idea that they (your abusers) were wrong and not you? Have you realized that you did not deserve to be abused even if you were the worst person on earth? (which I know you were not)). You can stop believing their lies that you were bad, deserved to be a scape goat and all the other garbage they spouted. They had issues that affected you-that was unfair and not your fault. Try being a good friend to yourself. What would you say to me if I wrote your story too you? You would write something to cheer me and comfort me. So, be that for yourself too. You are worth it and not who they said you were.