My pdoc wants me to go to therapy. I don't know what I'll do if ever she moves or retires. I have been seeing her since my daughter was an infant (2008), and she is undoubtedly the best doctor I have found. She's recommended therapists several times (when I had better insurance), but I never clicked with any of them. It just frustrates me. I think I'd probably benefit most if I found a group of parents with children on the autism spectrum or at least with sensory issues (it is a toss-up, my daughter could have Asperger's but husband doesn't want her diagnosed and "labeled" so we're not sure).

I had a bad eating disorder in college (anorexia). It's a wonder I did not end up in the hospital for that since my weight got terribly low. (I was hospitalized twice, both times for depression and came very close a 3rd time for severe mania.) In the end, I pulled myself out of the ED, and now I realize what I used was CBT, but I basically did it on my own, if that makes sense? Going to ED groups just triggered me to want to eat less than Jane, exercise more than Jenny, be thinner than Mary. Discussing it with a therapist made me want to be her worst patient of the week. Same with seeing a nutritionist. It was a mind-switch, and not an easy one. I still wouldn't say I'm 100% cured from that, but my weight is low-normal and stable (has been for years), I eat regularly if a little more on the healthy side than some people but less so than others. I exercise normal amounts of time instead of hours on end. Still, I'm never happy with my weight, wish it were less, etc., etc. I just don't act on it.

So I've got the bipolar thing, panic disorder, fibromyalgia (which makes the anxiety about 1000 times worse during flare-ups and can cause my mental state to get foggy), a past eating disorder, and a daughter who may be on the autism spectrum. It's a lot to talk about and to re-hash time and time again with a new therapist, especially when money is tight. I sometimes get to the point where the therapist is caught up on my history (let's not forget 2 instances of sexual assault), when the insurance will run out. Even if I did like the therapist, I couldn't afford to continue therapy.

Pdoc was nagging me about it at my last visit though overall it was a good visit (not to go back for 3 months, I've been in around a 6 month stable patch). It has been ages since she's had me go more than 1 month between appointments although of course, she always says to call if I need her (and there have been past occasions I have).