I've talked to her in the past about how I was disappointed that we were drifting apart. A few years later there was tension in the family over my father leaving a very mean-spirited will. I tried to not get into any squabbles with anyone, but my two sisters got resentful of each other. My father was playing them against each other. I scolded him for that, but I lived so far from them all that I had little influence on what was going on. At that time, this sister who has distanced herself became very defensive and accused everyone of being mean to her. That was kind of laughable because she went along with my father drawing up a will that disinherited my other sister. My father kept changing his mind about which sister he was leaving his house to. What he was doing was very nasty. But the sister who managed to get the house is the one who never calls me. She helped my parents a lot, so I wasn't surprised or disturbed that she inherited the most. But I think she feels defensive about assisting my father in being horribly hurtful to my other sister (he left that sister one dollar.) So she spun this narrative about how she was there caring for my parents and deserved to get most of what was passed down and, besides, everyone was mean to her. No one did anything to her. She was the one enabling my father in nasty behavior, which happened to financially benefit herself. I had already told my father that I didn't care what he did with his house and that peace in the family was more important to me than any amount of money. Well, he did leave me a financial asset of sizesble value, which I was even surprised to get. (My dad and I tended to fall out with each other.) I immediately shared what I got with my sister who got nothing. Eventually, my sister who inherited the house sold it and shared some of the proceeds with my other sister. So that all turned out kind of okay. But when the turmoil was going on, the distant sister said I didn't deserve her friendship. I thought that was just a wild thing to say and just reflected all the emotional turmoil in the family at the time.

I'm very sadly coming to a conclusion that I've avoided coming to for ten years. What this sister did in collaborating with my father was mean to my other sister. And it seemed so out of character for my sister to participate in it. I don't know how in the heck she rationalized it to herself. But she did rationalize it. In order to do that, I think she had to create a belief in her own mind that her siblings had somehow wronged her and she was a victim in some way.

During the height of the family turmoil, she lashed out with crazy statements - orally and in writing. I just let these crazy things go by and did not get into a back and forth with her. My two sisters have more or less reconciled. It seemed we all were back on nice terms with each other. I don't bring up what my sister did. I don't criticize her. But I guess she nurtures the belief that I somehow wronged her. I think she has to believe that to justify how awful she acted ten years ago. So she maintains this coolness. I would never have gone along with my father being so mean to one sister. So I think my distant sister feels some shame deep down inside. A few years ago, she said that I have strong moral principles and would make a good Sunday school teacher. She wasn't being sarcastic. She said it very sincerely when I was talking to her about how I was thinking about taking up some kind of volunteer work at my church.