Quote:
Originally Posted by elevatedsoul
psych appointment today... following up for discharge from hospital...
going through a lot not just for myself... but family problems too...
all the time as usual...
i was doing ok past couple days keeping spirits up with not only myself but with brother that leaving his girlfriend and staying with us and his kids staying with us too
but now its like that reality is weird and i feel so disconnected and i just dont wanna be here anymore...
its like shifting from many realities... i just feel so drugged up like some one gave me something and i dont know who i am... i dont know where i am...
i dont understand whats going on... why do i have so little control over this...
i am not on drugs... i am sober...
it makes me want to get ****ed up and say **** it all because i hate going through all of this... people not understanding... thinking im a fraud... because i can be really good sometimes and really helping others out like i like to do and then all of a sudden be like this...
i dont know what happened, i dont remember the past very much... i just know that i have been trying really hard to keep my brother in the right state of mind and keep from going back to a stupid *****... dealing with the kids having to give up my space and dealing with lots of noise and... i dunno... whats it matter because i was suffering even before they were here so dont see what the difference is..
just sucks because i was just released from the hospital and into all of this... but i knew it was all coming...
just wish i wasnt so dizzy... so foggy... so out of it...
i want to dissapear... i cant stand being like this... want to just be like the other person happy and helping all the time...
i dont know if i am going to be able to talk and get everything i needed to say across at the appointment today... seems to always happen at my appointments... and watch... ill probably go in and they will say something like "you look good today!" and ill feel confused and end up coming out as everything is fine un able to speak... but having something else inside of me speak as everything is ok and the way things were when i was ok for those couple of days when i was ok and forgetting about the 99% of the time when i am not ok...
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Im with Rubyrae if you think you wont remember what to talk with your treatment provider write it down. heres an idea you seem to not have any problems remembering what to talk about here on psych central, maybe print off your posts so that they can see what you are going through.
you mention you just got out of the hospital. in another post where you let us know you got discharged and you were feeling better and had lots of work to do, and that they changed your meds. maybe let them know you are slipping back into your problems again, maybe the meds they changed you to need a bit of adjusting, maybe you and your therapist can figure out what the difference is between when you got discharged you felt good and ready to be discharged and what ever is going on now that was not when you were feeling good enough to be discharged.
not sure if this makes any sense but sometimes I feel ok to be discharged and then afterwards I go downwards. my treatment providers and I discovered it wasnt the therapists fault, that it was because while in the hospitals someone else was doing all the work of taking care of me, then when I got out it was where I had to take care of me, stop living in the victim roll of everyone needed to do this and that for me.
back then what happened to solve this problem for my therapist and I, was that instead of releasing me to go home, they released me to a live away from home program (residential treatment program) that taught me how to stay stable and not go downhill after being released, how to take care of myself. No be so dependent on the therapist fixing things.
reason Im telling you all this is because maybe thats an option for you. instead of living at home (where you have posted you dont want to be anyway) go into a residential program where you live at the program housing and they work with you for months not a week or two like inpatient.
its not like hospitals, its the next step down from a hospital. this way you wont have the stress of your family at the same time as continuing your treatment program and working this closely with you they will be able to see all these problems you are having and help you with them, Just an idea that helped me years ago.