damajdancer,

First of all you're not a screw up! Second, take a look at the rationalizing you are doing. You do not think you're addicted to the drugs, but happiness. How happy can you be when you're stoned out of your mind? Was that "happiness" worth the self loathing you had when you came back to reality?

Saying you are a screw up is a cope out, you had a moment of weakness. Drugs are a harsh Master. When you're ready, there is a world of support and assistance out there for you. It is not an easy path to follow, but you can do it!

I wish you the very best of health and happiness.