Hi and welcome to PC!

I also have a similar intimacy issue. I haven’t found a therapist to help. I have had some trauma in the past and my relationship made this issue worse because it became a struggle.

You should think about why you feel this way. Definitely get off the heavy drugs/alcohol regardless. I’ve done a lot of soul searching about it. But, I’m still clueless!

On PC, you can at least figure stuff out and get support from others.