To start this off please don't talk to me privately. I'm so ashamed of posting this at all that I won't respond. I'll only talk here.

I'm so deeply lonely. I only have one friend I can see, and while I'm in a relationship, it's long distance. I've tried making friends, by reaching out to others, finding people with similar interests, etc. It never works. Nobody ever wants to be around me. No matter how much effort I put in it always fizzles out within a month. My social interaction is limited to about 15-30 minutes a day, and most of it is text.

I'm about college age so I live with my parents. I asked them if I could get another pet, and my father basically shot me down and made fun of me for admitting they make me feel better. I have two pets currently but they don't want to sit with me or be pet, they would rather jump around.

I just want someone to hug me and let me bawl my eyes out. I haven't received a hug from someone other than a parent in two years. The last person only wanted me for sex, so really it's been upwards of four. I'm losing my mind, I'm so lonely I don't know what to do. I'm not an unpleasant person. I don't stink, I'm clean, I'm not rude or mean. I honestly considered using that service where you pay someone to cuddle you, but I'm too ashamed. If I could do it without them ever seeing my face I would do it in a heartbeat. I don't know what to do. I'm going to see my SO in December, but it feels like an eternity right now. Maybe it's because some sort of touch is nearly in my grasp, but it's all the more unbearable right now. When they leave I'll be alone again.

There's really no point to this post other than to just put my thoughts down. Sorry for posting honestly.