Actually, my sister often has seemed the opposite of narcissistic. For example, she was very pretty, but always tended to dress in clothing designed to attract as little attention as possible. (It seemed that her favorite color was beige.) She never seemed to have an over-abundance of self-esteem. But she is very self-righteous. She seems to desperately need to believe that she has never, never, never ever "done anything wrong." It's a funny mindset - very different from narcissism. She doesn't seek much credit or admiration for anything. She's not a bragger. But she seems horrified at the thought of ever being guilty of anything.

The weak part kind of resonates more. Not that she isn't very strong and capable in may ways. She is. But she has always had a kind of fearfulness. Fear of being poor was a big motivator for her. She sees the world as dangerous, and seems to see money as the thing that insulates a person from some of that danger. I can see the logic of that line of thought, but I just have a different "take" on life. I'm more inclined to value "knowledge," as the thing that gives one mastery over one's fate.

I think I worded the title of this thread badly and misleadingly. I don't, for a minute, believe that all affluent people consider themselves superior to all poor people. I don't believe that people who are comfortably well-off are selfish. Often, people who have money have it because they were hard-working and responsible and made the most of the opportunities that life gave them. In some cases, people who are poor got poor by not thinking ahead and planning very well. (I said "some.") My real question is: "Can difference in economic status be a barrier to having close relations?" My conclusion is that sometimes it can be. I guess I always knew that, but I think I underestimated how big a factor it could be in relations within a family.

I firmly believe that my sister would feel much more invested in her relationship with me, if I were well-off financially. At one time, it looked like I was probably going to have lucrative career and be pretty well-heeled as I got further along in life. We were closer then. I think she saw us as having more in common then. But I ended up having unstable employment that went along with an unstable emotional state. She seemed to dislike both of those aspects of my nature. She made it clear she didn't want to hear about my problems with depression. I can't say I blame her there. I've learned that whining about feeling blue just gets on people's nerves. (Except in the context of a community like P.C., where we engage in mutual support.) So I don't subject her to that. And she has said derogatory things, over the years, about people based on their economic status. I don't know why I just never imagined that would apply to me.

There's an old bit of folk wisdom that says, "When people tell you who they are, believe them." When she characterized her not so well-off neighbors as "local yokels," I should have taken that more seriously. Also, I can appreciate that someone who is in comfortable straights, financially, may not want to hear about the ups and downs of a close relative who is merely just getting by week to week. We each had a different purpose to our lives. It may seem to her that my life has lacked purpose. So I guess she may feel we don't have much in common. Also, as health problems increase when one gets older, not having money can greatly impact how one copes with those issues. I never had children, so she may fear me overly relying on her when I get older.

Thinking about the increasing distance between us has made me sad. Also, it has made me angry, as I know comes across in my posts. I'm not looking to get anything from her. I haven't done anything bad to her. But this distance she keeps seems to imply that she thinks I have. That does really make me mad. I let a lot of things slide, ten years ago, when there was horrible emotional turmoil in the family over my father's will. She said nasty things to me. I thought it was the stress of circumstances, but not things she really meant. I guess she did mean the things she said . . . which I never wanted to believe could be true. I have to face that what she said reflected her opinion of me, which was kind of low. I'm heartbroken to be going through this stuff, ten years after I thought it was over. I have to look at it again because it offers an explanation for what I cannot otherwise explain.

As far as sitting down having a heart-to-heart conversation about this with her as some way of resolving anything, I don't see that as likely to do anything, but make things worse. She is an extremey defensive person. I'ld say it's her greatest weakness. Her only focus is, "I never did anything wrong. I never said anything wrong. Any unfriendliness between myself and Rose is Rose's fault." She will cling to that with a death grip.

My only hope is that, when my bf passes away and I am freer to travel, we will see more of each other and things will improve. Somehow, I don't feel very hopeful.

Because I have no children, my siblings are very important to me. They are all the family I have. It's not my sister's fault that I have no children. I don't aspire to turn into the lonely old spinster aunt that relatives feel they have to pity and look after because she is alone in the world. But I think it is cruel to act so aloof toward me, especially in light of my circumstances. Her husband has two unmarried sisters. They have wealth. They own property. I'm sure my sister and her husband keep in touch with those sisters. Her children will likely inherit from those aunts who have no children. So those aunts count. I remembered every birthday of all my nieces and nephews when they were growing up. I was very fond of them. It's nothing to get a medal for. I just used to think I would never be totally alone because I did have family whom I cared about. We used to have fun together. I liked to hear about what was going on in their lives. I was very interested in how they progressed through life. I used to get pictures in the mail. Now I hear nothing. No pictures. My sister doesn't like facebook and won't participate in it. That, right there, seems to be a way of keeping up a wall - one that's a barrier.

I've wanted to think that this is all my depressive mind playing tricks on me and that it's all a misunderstanding on my part . . . that people are busy and just have trouble staying connected to someone thousands of miles away. For over ten years, I've used that as an excuse to explain things. It just no longer seems believable. Today, I've moped about this for hours. Now I'm in tears about it. Might be best to say that there is a reality to my fear and I just have to accomodate myself to something I haven't wanted to take a hard, honest look at.

I feel like telling this sister that I just won the state lottery for ten million dollars. Then I could see if any behavior changes. My sister has a son who works in the financial sector. I could say I need advise on how to invest ten million dollars. I bet my nephew would be on the next plane out here.

Human beings are not angels. Money is a big part of people's consideration when deciding lots of things. It has to be. I want to accept that. I don't want to hold anyone to some standard that's ridiculous and unrealistic. Going around feeling slighted and offended is a miserable way to feel. I'm doing a good job of making myself miserable. It's hard to shift my focus by turning to some activity that would engage my mind in a more productive way. I'm tied to being here with my bf who is too disabled to be left alone. I can't just go off somewhere. I can't just call up a friend and say, "Let's go have dinner out." I can't just go shopping or sightseeing. I can't just go for a drive. I can't even just go for a long walk. I live 5 miles away, and I can't even go home.

Well, just threw myself a pity party - with the predictable result. Maybe I'll not do that tomorrow. There are better ways to spend my time that are available to me.