Thanks Skeezyks. I appreciate it.

I am anxious tonight. Everything was going okay but I read a story earlier about a trans guy, and it triggered a lot of stuff for me. I'm pretty sure that's what the majority of my mental health problems are about right now, at this point in time. Being in the wrong body. I'm trying to take care of myself the best I can but I've been ignoring this for too long, trying to tell myself that I'm just confused and don't exactly know *which* gender apart from my assigned one that I am, and so there's no point jumping into transition, but I've always known. I've just tried to protect myself from the fact that there's a good chance I'll never be able to take the steps I need to take (the ones I would choose to take for myself, not according to some predestined or prescribed notion of transition) for various health-related reasons and I feel sick about it. I don't know how to handle this. I'm in the process of getting in touch with more trans guys but if it does turn out that I can't have a medical transition I'm not sure how to deal with it. I'm afraid I'll go completely insane, lose my mind, never come back from it.

I'm tired. Constantly tired. Constantly in pain, and I have OCD. None of it works in my favour, especially not right now.