ive read some things about personality development in children...

that there are stages in the development...

im thinking that i never finished the stages... or maybe never started them...

as my child hood was not good...

i was never able to develop a real solid personality...

i was always having to play different roles in my my child hood...

to my mother... also my siblings... against my siblings... and my parents...

against the world...

i am just an undeveloped person... i dont know what i am... i am a monster...

i want to get high... i cant handle this... these thoughts... these feelings...
being alone... i feel sick...

i cant think... i have a thought... and another thought comes through and is like no thats not the right thought and is just makes me not feel right... like how can i think opposite things at the same time... i cant handle this...