Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling. I think it's brave of you to consider doing this when you're afraid and you've been struggling for a long time. The fact that you know you need some different help and the fact that you're willing to do it tells me that the real you under the depression is courageous and rational. You are nervous, that's ok. You can do it anyway. When I was really afraid I used to hold my own hand sometimes. I would think that my right hand was attached to the happy calm regular part of me and my left hand was the scared part of me. And I just squeezed my own hand and reassured myself. I don't know if that helps at all. Just know I'm rooting for you from afar. If you don't have anyone with you physically, you still have me with you in spirit.