Welcome, Americano. You mention needing a "sponsor"; are you attending AA meetings? Just asking because that's a term generally associated with AA. I attend AA meetings & find having a sponsor IRL to be very helpful. As UpDownAround wrote, this space is a good place to share with others having problems with addictions. I went to my first AA meeting about 30 years ago, had periods of sobriety, & have fallen off the wagon a few times, too. I can relate to your "on & off" story. Keep posting. I think you'll find a lot of support.