Hello. Welcome to PC. I’m sorry you are having a tough time. As the administrator said, there are things I can’t talk about but I think anywhere there is life, there is hope. Have you considered seeing a therapist? All of this anxiety is bad for you and it serves no useful purpose. Does your anxiety change this issue even one tiny bit? It’s better to live a fully engaged, fulfilled life in spite of this. Please seek help. I totally empathize. Sending big hugs and hoping you come to a place of peace and calm.