I don't know if my daughter is on the autism spectrum. She may have something like Asperger's, or she may just have a ton of sensory issues (hates loud noises, won't eat food unless it is plain, unseasoned, not combined, won't wear pants or shorts, only dresses, socks have to be inside-out, etc.). Anyway, she is 9 now (will be 10 in December) and in the 4th grade. She is beginning to enter puberty and is starting to develop a little on top. About half her dresses she cannot wear to school without a training bra (to lessen the fight, right now we go with the dresses that don't obviously need a bra). However, she is developing quickly, and I fear that by winter, all of her dresses will need something underneath.

The problem is, she HATES training bras. I have tried many brands. I have even tried having her wear camisole shirts under her dresses. It is a no-go. She will spend 15 minutes or longer trying to get comfortable in a dress with a bra and still be fidgeting and complaining about it afterwards. On a school morning, when time is pressed, we really don't have the time for this. As a parent, I just don't know what to do. I can't send her to school without a bra in clothes where she needs to wear one.

I don't even have sensory issues (or maybe just a slight one I outgrew as a kid as I did have the wearing socks inside-out thing), and I remember it took a little time for me to get used to the idea and feel of wearing a bra, but it wasn't that big a struggle.

What can I do to make this easier on my daughter? Is there a brand of bra or camisole that is more sensory-friendly than others? I feel badly watching her fidget for ages and still not be able to feel comfortable in her own clothes. (As it is, sometimes she will take up to 5 minutes to feel comfortable in her panties any given day, and I have to buy a certain brand, but it is luckily a common brand and she is fine with the common bikini cut.) On the other hand, I'm afraid I will be getting calls from the school if I start sending her in clothes without a bra when she needs one.

Any suggestions?