sorry about last night.. yesterday was really triggering day for me apparently

im still feeling not so right.. i just woke up.. but im going to relax and hopefully these feelings can subside..

my memory works in a splotchy way, when i was writing it came up like a water fountain and i was recalling information that i had read.. i can remember bits of it now even although its just what i got out of the articles and papers and how i thought it related to me and not so much what they wrote in the papers..

i think i tried talking to my ex-therapist about it before but i dont remember what she said about it

i guess i just feel like my mind has divisions, because i went through so much i wasnt able to be normal i had to keep parts of myself separate to keep the normal parts healthy(ish)..

i know i more than likely developed borderline personality and need to work on it... if something more didnt happen to my mind in the process...

there have been many posts that i wanted to print off and take in but i cant because i dont have a printer... i considered writing it all out before but it takes too much thought and i end up not doing it because of contradiction in my mind

i even told the therapist about this place one time in session and tried to show her but she didnt want to look and antoher time i sent her an email trying to get her to read and i dont know if she read but she called me almost imediately after trying to get me to go to the hospital...