I have sabotaged every relationship because I get so worried about losing the person I care about my mood eventually plummets and I get withdrawn and go off sex etc. Haven't found anyone who can put up with me and at the moment have not had a relationship for years as I'm too afraid of reaching out and getting hurt/hurting someone else (plus very shy so can't initiate anything anyway - even the relationships I had were originally initiated by my partners). Deep down I crave love but also don't believe someone can love me.