I pick up nonverbal cues at a normal level. What trips me up is that I subconsciously choose to ignore it bc it hurts too much that a negative cue is being sent. Like the cue that my supervisor sent. Finally she b!tched that she's had enough of me obsessing over her.

That said, I'm glad I also have another job. THis job is in retail and January will be my 5 year anniversary. I don't look up to anyone at that other job, so things are going just fine. However, my supervisor at this job did make me quit once bc I looked up to her. She felt like she was obsessed over, prolly. I left this company for a year before returning early last year. I found I don't feel any admiration for my supervisor like I used to. As glad as I am that things are ok at this job, I feel really down that I can't safely look up to anyone in general. I just don't know how to go about it. I only recently found out that I need to be subtle when I admire anyone. Like I could very occasionally compliment that person. I found that out too late because my fast food job is in jeopardy. And even if it isn't, my supervisor there would likely never associate with me again no matter how much I correct my ways.

I have friends, but I don't look up to any of them. I just hope to find someone to look up to that I could try my subtlety on.