I was abused from 5-17-years-of-age. All abuser’s are dead, now. Your’s are still around, I guess? You went through much more than me and, if you can, I would really think that you could benefit from talking everything out with a specialist in childhood sexual abuse. That would be a good start.
As for your peeing thoughts and possible paedophiliac, no, I can’t say that there’s anything wrong with those thoughts. We are all products of our experiences so your thinking is now, at age 14, surely incorporates your abuse experiences.
I don’t know the full extent of your thoughts about watching others urinate but I will say that it’s common and that if you stay away from, e.g., putting any illegal matters in play, you could do a lot worse. Not gross, not a genuine unhealthy practices at play.
You’ll be fine. It gets better.
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