Tbh it seems like reading all this stuff is driving you deeper into the rabbit hole rather than helping you out of it. You really are overthinking things a lot and it seems to be causing you much more confusion than anything else.
From your posts it seems clear that you've experienced trauma and that has caused you a lot of problems typically associated with trauma during the developmental years. The things you describe like identity confusion, dissociation, flashbacks, PTSD etc are all a part of that. Some therapists are really good with dealing with trauma effects. Can you go to the therapist and just start there?