I feel so alone. And like there's no hope for the future. I'm in a hotel which is not where I want to be. My husband's plea or trial is coming up in the next couple of weeks. I don't know what I want to happen to him. If he goes to trial, I will have to testify which seems terrifying. I may be given the opportunity to make a victim's statement but I have no idea what I'd say. I've not been eating because it helps to drown out the negative thoughts. Before that I was binge eating. I've started self harming. My therapist is now on vacation with no backup/no contact with him because he's out of country and he deserves a break anyway. I have no friends. I only have my group therapy ladies and they're not always available to talk to. I feel like I'm completely losing it. All these memories of his abuse keep resurfacing and I can't handle all of that at once. I'm a mess right now. I need more help than I'm getting.