I'm not expecting some even-steven exchange of phone calls, where there has to be exact reciprocity. But there has to be some reciprocity. I'm not basing this just on the last call coming from me. And I know that people differ in what comes natural to them. For instance, I'm a card sender and letter-writer. That's me. I've always been that way. As a child, I did the Christmas cards for my parents. If I never got anything in the mail from my siblings, that wouldn't cost me a thought. It's not their thing. My pain is based on a good 15 years of my sister being oddly remote and uncommunicative . . . and even further back than that. Her never initiating contact is what's extreme. And I did try not to read anything into that for the longest time. But there comes a point . . . I began to feel foolish calling her, but I did it anyway.

So much of her behavior has been odd. Some years back, I was back in the area where my family lives. Before my s.o. was sick, I used to travel back and forth a lot and rent a car and travel to see relatives in two neighboring states. I let her know I would be coming to see her also and when that would be. When I got to her house, she was all friendly. Then she said that she and her husband would be going on a mini-vacation out-of-town the next morning, but that I was welcome to use her house while they were away. I hadn't come there to "use her house." So the next morning I departed. There was no unpleasantness. I didn't act disappointed. But it seemed odd to me that she hadn't mentioned beforehand that she wouldn't be home.

I've never expected any of my family to travel to visit me, and they haven't. That's never cost me a thought. I'm the one who moved far away. I come back to see them. I don't impose and hang around more than I think they would like me too. Often I've even rented a motel room by the beach, which I enjoy, and it gives me my own space, and I'm able to meet up with people without crowding them. Usually, I've rented a car, so no one has to chauffeur me around.

Other more distant relatives stay in touch with me. I'll hear from them, and they'll say "When are you coming out this way? We hope to see you, when you do." That's what seems normal. I don't have to wonder "Am I really wanted?"

At the same time, I don't feel my sister is mad at me about anything. I feel very perplexed. Some in the family tell me that my sister's husband is odd and is behind all this . . . that it's he who finds ways to undermine my sister being connected with her family. There is some evidence of that. But my sister is responsible for her own behavior.

If there was a reason for hard feelings, I'ld understand. If my sister were mad at me, or hostile like my brother, I'ld give up caring, as I have with him. Instead, there is just this utter lack of interest. Not everyone need find me interesting. I may not be to some. Maybe that's what it boils down to.